This post is part of an ongoing series titled Things That Have Improved Your Life.
In this series, I welcome readers of this blog to share an improvement they’ve made in their life. This improvement could be anything – from a new diet or exercise plan to a certain place visited or person they’ve met.
I then ask questions as to how their life has improved, and whether they would recommend others try to make this same thing possible in their own lives.
Today’s interview takes place with Viki de Lieme.
Viki tells us how her life improved as a result of her discovering the teachings of Nonviolent Communication.
Hi all 🙂
My name is Viki de Lieme.
I am Ilay’s mother, Jonathan’s wife, and a parenting coach practicing the Nonviolent Communication method in the hope to clear as many hearts as possible of judgment and destructive patterns.
What Improvement Have You Made to Your Life?
Discovering Nonviolent Communication was definitely the turning point of my life. I was quite happy with where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing; but half of the time – I just didn’t know why.
I graduated from university, had a great job, with a great income, but it was miles away from my lifelong dream of somehow helping people and bettering this world we live in.
When I first came to know about Nonviolent Communication, I felt all the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place.
Why Did You Decide to Practise Nonviolent Communication in the First Place?
There was no other choice for me, but to choose Nonviolent Communication.
When I first discovered this method of communication, I was suddenly able to understand and to explain, where all the good in this world, in humanity, stems from. I learned the true source to self-esteem, respect, understanding, acceptance, compassion, empathy, and love. I also learned that the violent language we currently speak is responsible for the lack of these positive traits in our world.
Choosing Nonviolent Communication meant choosing peace.
Is there another choice, really?
How Has Your Life Improved Since – Can You Give an Example?
Nonviolent Communication is a communication method that teaches us to speak and hear our internal needs rather than the strategies we use to meet these needs.
Let me explain.
Let’s say you come back home from a hard day at work, you’re tired, annoyed, impatient, and whatnot. You walk in to find the sink full of dirty dishes and your partner is chilling on the couch, watching Netflix. What would your automatic response be? Probably something like…
“Have you no shame? I work so hard and I am so tired and you can’t even wash the damn dishes before I come home? That’s it I’m done here!” (This is just an exaggerated example).
What really happened here is that your need for peace, quiet, harmony, and connection was sabotaged at work, and you hoped coming home will meet some of these needs; instead, there are dirty dishes in the sink.
If your partner practiced Nonviolent Communication, he would tell you…
“Honey, I see you had a very bad day at work, you’re tired and you need to get some rest; come on, relax and I’ll take care of the dishes by the time you wake up. I love you”.
But since most don’t practice NVC, you would have heard something like
“How dare you start shaming me for… I do so much… You don’t appreciate me”, etc.
Learning to talk and listen differently, peacefully, and without judgment changed every aspect of my life.
Not too many realize that we are what we say, and we often speak without thinking.
Would You Recommend Other People Give This a Go? If So, How Should They Start?
I recommend everyone to learn (at least) a bit more about this. I truly believe that the judgmental concepts of right and wrong, good and bad, too much and too little have been ruining human societies ever since the dawn of patriarchy, some 7,000 years ago.
Our world is governed by and educated through fear, guilt, and shame. There was never an era more war-struck than the one we live in today, everyone is seeking happiness but we grow more depressed. It is time to change all that, and ourselves and our children are the starting point.
If our generation of parents raised their children outside the social structure of fear, guilt, and shame – we will, indeed, change the future.
Where Can We Find out More About You?
In the past three years, spreading Attachment Parenting through Nonviolent Communication has become my life’s goal.
Now anyone can find me at www.parentsenlight.com, follow my social media through the site and join my Facebook group where we practice this amazing method and learn how to lead happier lives.
Anything Else You’d like to Share?
The world we live in is not accustomed to communicating by needs and feelings; most of us don’t understand that “negative” behaviours stem from feelings arising from unmet needs.
We do everything in our power to “fix” the problem, the behavior, without addressing the unmet need, without finding an alternative strategy for meeting that need.
Nonviolent Communication taught me to recognize my needs and feelings, to communicate them to my loved ones so they would listen. It taught me to listen differently to the spoken words I hear and to address the actual needs behind these words.
This method is amazing in all relationships – between parents and children, between romantic partners, between friends and even at work. I since opened my own clinic where I work with amazing people of all ages who are ready to start a new chapter and communicate their true selves.
The results are amazing.
I’d like to say a big thanks to Viki de Lieme for sharing her life improvement story with us today.
- Nonviolent communication means choosing peace over anger and hate.
- Learning to talk and listen differently – especially without judgement – can potentially change every aspect of your life.
- More and more of us are growing depressed despite our efforts to find true happiness.
Have you made an improvement to your life that you would like to share? Check outand get involved. Your story could end up being featured in this series.
You can find the rest of the reader interviews in the series here…